Associate Resolutions for 2006 by Matt Kaufman

Last October, like thousands of other young lawyers, excuse me, “law school graduates,” I began my legal career.  Like those thousands of other law school grads I had researched law firms, checked out their statistics in the NALP and Vault Guides and after spending a summer indulging in waist expanding lunches almost every day, received a start date for Fall 2005.  Even though those employment steps may vary from person to person depending on your career track, there is one thing that remains constant for almost all of us desk potatoes—our expanding waistlines in our new legal profession of choice.

Last August I bought myself a new belt at a local department store.  The man trying on a belt next to me was having a temper tantrum.  This roundish 40-year old man was flailing his arms in the air and yelling at his mother and wife about how the store’s belts were the wrong sizes.  There were several things wrong with this picture.  The first was that he was buying a belt with his mother and wife.  The second was that even those slimming fun house mirrors could not make this man the size 34 that he claimed to be.  And the third was that behind my perfectly unrestrained laughter I did not realize how possible it could be for me to turn into that man one day.

Every so often at work a senior associate takes me away from my law school friends’ email threads or from the latest radio station created for me on Pandora.com.  Along with a little instruction, they ask me to write a set of board resolutions for a company we represent.  This New Year’s, for the first time in my life I made a firm resolution for myself.  I decided to trim my belly.  For the first time in my life I no longer had a stomach, but it was in fact now a full fledged belly. 

For a few days during the holiday I could not figure out how my stomach had atrophied so quickly.  After some thought it all made sense.  Rather than the “Freshman Fifteen” so many of us experienced in college, this was the “First-Year Fifteen.”  We have entered into a whole new world and do not know quite how to respond to it.

It all made perfect sense.  In law school, people either had their classes arranged all early, all late or all on two days.  Basically, that left everyone with massive amounts of time to sneak in a quick trip to the gym or game of basketball between their journals, mooting sessions, public interest work or games of Halo.  That, in addition to the unnecessary stress everyone inflicted upon themselves, was the perfect equation for weight loss. 

At work, however, apparently we are expected to stay here all day, every day.  We come in to the office, turn on our computers and—depending on what kind of chair you have—we get comfortable for the next 8 to 12 hours.  Okay, sometimes a bit longer.  But regardless, the stress is no longer the weight losing “I’ve lost my appetite because I think I’m going to do horrible on my Fed Courts exam” stress.  Now, the stress is the weight gaining “I need some General Tso’s chicken ASAP to take my mind off of a lawsuit our client is facing” stress.  And heaven forbid we leave our desk to get the food.  A service here at law firms in New York called Seamlessweb.com even allows us to order meals straight to our desks. That is just down right innovation!

As luck would have it, it is not only the lack of activity that increases our masses, but it is our caloric intake as well.  When I researched firms in NALP and the Vault Guide I saw plenty of perks.  They ranged from office masseuse days to wine and cheese nights.  Some offices even boasted about Free Parking to avoid any far walks and I could swear I even remember/dream of some firm having a Cookie Cart.  In any event, despite the few firms that offer gym discounts, where is the mass push for on-staff Personal Trainers or Dieticians?  

The Personal Trainers and Dieticians are the perks we truly need.  Forget what you want for a second (but please do not do it for longer than that).  We sit around all day doing less physical activity than we ever have.  We now have money in our pockets allowing us to eat something other than PB & J or Mac & Cheese or any other food that includes an “&” sign.  And along with that, we are brainwashed by food all day.  Even our email devices, the Blackberry, is named after food!  We are sorely in the need of a dietary education.  Where is the American Bar Association’s CLE class on diets?  I guarantee it would fill up.

I went out with some friends and family for a great big meal in November when I found out that I passed the bar.  I was so happy that I was no longer just a law school graduate.  Having not seen me in a few weeks, some of my friends and family commented on how I must have been working out because of my new shape.  Little did they know that my pants were not fitting as nearly as well as they used to.  And while winter is great for hiding a love handle here, or an extra chin there, the spring will be coming soon and the thought started crossing my mind that I should lose some weight.  But, of course I did nothing about it because nobody wants to diet during the holidays.  It was not until New Year’s rolled around that I finally decided to make the weight loss resolution.

Despite the various complaints about the law’s detrimental effect on our health, we should not look a gift horse in the mouth.  The term Fat Cat came around for a reason.  The less you move the more you gain.  The more you gain the less you move.  The less you move the more you work.  The more you work, the more your employer gains. It is simple. But there is no reason why today’s Fat Cats must actually be Fat though.  Even though it is in your employers’ interests to have you put on a few pounds, we must not succumb to the temptation of the lifestyle. 

Unfortunately for us New Associates, there is some personal responsibility involved.  Just like McDonald’s will not be accountable to couch potatoes, your employers will not be liable to desk potatoes. 

These past few month have taught me some valuable lessons about blending a good work and health lifestyle together.  Here are few things I have come up with:  Get up and get your own food.  Take the stairs instead of the elevator when you are going 1 flight up.  Be ambitious sometimes and even go up 2 flights.  Do not bother with 3 though because no one wants to talk with you if you are sweaty and out of breath.  Join a gym.  Go sometimes.  Quit eating every time you have the opportunity.  Just because the food is there does not mean you have to eat it.  And finally, do not shop at my local department store because, as of the last time I went, all of their clothing sizes were way off!

That’s my two cents, spend them however you’d like…

Matt Kaufman is a First Year Associate at a New York Law Firm